Thursday, October 15, 2009

Having confidence

I don't have much self confidence. Or self esteem. I have worked on this but it is still a struggle at 44* to believe that I don't just spout nonsense or am no help to anyone or that all I can create is the same old rubbish. But knowing that this is my default position means that I can try and have a stern word with myself about how I am. In a sense lack of confidence in myself becomes lack of faith in all that God has given me. Not a sin exactly but close to it.

(*Carys asked me how old I was this week. I asked her to guess. She said 26. I pointed out my oldest son is 17. She is 13. Still I don't mind looking young to her!)

I was reminded of this struggle on Tuesday when my MA course began again. This year I am doing a module on Psychology, faith and church life. It is the reason why I started the course in the first place so I am very excited about it. I had a really tough time a few years ago and doing the MA is a way into finding something positive from being at rock bottom with no self confidence left at all. But it is funny how, even at my third year level now, I get really nervous meeting the new group and worrying how I will shape up. It is fascinating being introduced to the people I will spend a few months with. Some are training to be Ministers, some are working like me, some are retired people. It is a good mix.

One of the group who had done the introductory module the year before was winkling out of those he knew how they had done with the essay. I did rather badly (though I passed!) and my confidence shot down again. (I wish I had said something about how I barely scraped through as I think he is someone who needs to learn a little more sensitivity but somehow the words wouldn't come out!). We are to keep journals - which I am bad at. this blog is the nearest thing I have to a journal and look at how often it is updated. And I think it will be useful for me to reflect on all sorts of things. We also have to do a project with a church and I am cautiously excited that the plan I have in mind may really help a local church. But can I do it? the doubts creep in...

Confidence is so important. Not the "I can do anything because I am fantastic" but "I can do anything because God has confidence in me". This last week the reading was Jesus saying "all things are possible for God" which should give us hope. this week's Salt challenge was set by Hazel and is all about reflecting on our Confidence in God. I chose a verse from Joshua
I failed spectacularly to get a good photo of this layout despite two goes on different days. Each time the layout then fell off the wall and now has rather battered edges! The colour of the background of the photo is almost identical to the cardstock. It is a photo Phil took and tinted (it wouldn't be me taking it, I had to ask him which way up the birds were!). Everything else is Kandco - stamps; die cuts; acetate - everything! I do try and mix things up but think I am better when I can easily go for a co-ordinated range (I think the key word is easily!). The letter stickers are silver on green and they hate cameras! Here is a close up of my reflection

Yesterday I had another project posted on Docrafts. Apparently it is beginner level! I suppose it is although there is quite a lot to do to finish the layout off.
The papers are actually Christmas ones. I so love the turquoise and brown combo. And the build a poppy stamp is great. The photo is one we took on our day trip to France. I have since added a bit of journalling to say it is the most moving memorial I have ever seen. That fallen soldier is so poignant.

And finally I keep forgetting to share the layouts for the holiday album. Still working away on that!
This one came together in no time at all. All Scenic Route papers and stickers. A Technique Tuesday template; American Crafts journalling sticker; Fiskars punch and Making Memories template for the stickles swirls. I haven't done a close up of the journalling but you should be able to see it better if you click on the photo. If not, I reflect on how being a family of 5 sometimes means one person has to be left out. But I was able to shoot water from a cannon and take silly photos so still had fun!

1 comment:

Hazel said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings on lack of confidence - how I relate to that. And thanks too for sharing these super LOs - I love your response to my Salt challenge - compliments too to Phil for the superb bird photo - so appropriate for the LO. x